Laundry Day

Image found here.

Now off to fold a pile MUCH bigger than the one Ellie and Jonah are sitting in.

Around the House

I love finding funny things that the kids have left around the house:

Animals on the window sill,

A used potty in the closet,

And a baby in my boot. 

I told Sam that this is one of the things I will miss when my kids grow up!

The More I Add, the More Joyful it Becomes

     This morning as I was doing some cleaning, Jonah started fussing. I picked him up and played with him for awhile, but then I needed to get back to cleaning while the other two kids were occupied so I grabbed the baby carrier and put the little guy on my back. As I was getting the straps adjusted and ready to go, he just snuggled right up to my back as happy as could be. For some reason it was one of those moments where I thought "I'm going to miss this some day." So I snapped a picture.

     And even though it is a less than flattering picture of me, I think it is one of my favorites. My little baby is quickly outgrowing "baby" stage and it is making me sad.

     This post from lovingmylot.com pretty much sums it up:

"The first time a kind stranger peeked at my newborn baby and gushed, “Oh honey, treasure every second!” I almost burst into tears.  Not because I was so touched, but because I was so tired...Two weeks ago I gave birth to baby number three...This time, if a kindly stranger tells me to treasure every second, I think I will burst into tears.  Not because of my lost figure or freedom, but because I so ardently understand that the seconds truly are numbered.  They are grains of sand slipping through the hourglass, never to be returned.  That’s the funny thing about motherhood.  You start off with so little on your plate, and it feels like you’re absolutely drowning.  And yet the more you add, the more joyful it becomes.  Because somewhere in between adding more babies, and more diapers, and more laundry, you also add more perspective.  You realize there are worse things than a long night, and challenges really do pass, and tiny toes don’t stay tiny forever.  You know cribs turn into beds, and strollers turn into bikes, and the chubby cheeks making fish faces today will be wearing your makeup tomorrow."

I don't pretend to know all there is to learn about motherhood, but lately I have marveled at how much my kids are learning and growing. They aren't going to be little forever. Though I am overwhelmed more often than I would like to admit with my three little ones, it has definitely gotten easier. And I have had more time to enjoy the every day moments of having young kids. I really do love being a mom. It's the hardest thing I have ever done, but I absolutely love it.

Now off to make sure there are no monsters in Ellie's room... or Nathan's room... or my room... or the family room... or the basement...

Moments of Motherhood: Sewing with Ellie

I usually sew when my kids are sleeping because... well... for obvious reasons. Today, however, I was still working on the kids' stockings when Ellie woke up from her nap. Usually I would have finished up and put things away, but today she pulled up a chair and asked me if I could keep sewing so she could watch. I of course gave her the "don't touch" spiel, and I kept sewing. She asked me questions, and I answered, and we both enjoyed ourselves. We got into a rhythm of her handing me pins when I needed them and then she would put them back into the pin cushion when I was through with them. She warned me to "be careful so you don't hurt your fingers," and I talked to her about each step, explaining in 3-year-old terms why I was doing what. She was quite proud of the fact that she was my "special helper." After about 20 minutes she said "Mom, we're having girl time. I love staying up late (staying up late is the best privilege EVER for her right now) and having girl time with you. Nathan's not awake, Jonah's not awake, just us. And you're teaching me how to sew for when I'm a big girl and I can do it all by myself."

For the next hour she and I sat together sewing and pinning, with her telling me several times how much she loved sewing with me and reminding me over and over again that I would teach her how to do it by herself when she was big.

I am so grateful for times like this afternoon when I get to just listen to my little girl tell me what's on her mind, and her and I get to bond and share in something that we enjoy. It reminds me that I could do better to slow down and revel in these sweet moments of motherhood, because my little princess is growing up right before my eyes.

(The neighbors brought by some hand-me-downs yesterday, and Ellie could not be more thrilled with her new Rapunzel nightgown. It was quite the task to get her to take it off this morning so she could get dressed.)

Moments of Motherhood

"The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

- M. Russell Ballard, Daughters of God

(The whole talk is wonderful. Read it here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/04/daughters-of-god?lang=eng)

I Love Being A Mom

I love finding things like this around the house:

I'm so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be a mom. I love it.

Life Is to Be Enjoyed.

     This morning as I was nursing Jonah I took a little scroll through Facebook (Don't judge. I know you're supposed to have all of this uninterrupted eye contact time while your baby is nursing, but sometimes I look at Facebook, a'ight? Don't tell me I'm the only one.) and I saw that one of my friends from nursing school started a new job. When I saw it I started to tell Sam how awesome it was for her, but I (embarrassingly) began to get a little bit emotional. Maybe it was that potty training was getting to me, or that I had found yet another dried remnant of the purple play dough we made yesterday stuck to the bottom of my foot. I could have sworn I got them all.

     Either way, I was feeling a little put out. I worked so hard to get my nursing degree, and I see all of my classmates getting their dream jobs: Primary Children's Hospital, Phoenix Children's Hospital, NICU, Surgery, Labor and Delivery, Cardiac. I wondered if I am wasting what I learned in nursing school by choosing to stay home with my kids.

     Then I looked over at my little Nathan, working so hard to pull down his new big boy underwear so he could go potty. My Ellie, dancing around in her pajamas. My Jonah, looking up at me with his big brown eyes while he finished up his breakfast. And I had no doubt that this is where I need to be right now.

    I'm sure that one day I will get to work in the NICU or Labor and Delivery like I have always dreamed. But for now, I get to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a mom.

     I'm going to enjoy the kids dirtying up the blankets and dish towels from the monstrous pile of clean laundry I have to wait until naptime to fold by using them as capes.

     I'm going to enjoy rolling out playdough with my kids, because who else will be ridiculously proud of the ugly dragon Ellie insisted that I make?

     I'm going to enjoy impromptu dance parties to "Happy" and "Let it Go," even though I have been sick of both songs for upwards of three months.

(sideways video... sorry!)

     I'm so blessed to be a mom, and I'm going to enjoy every second of it.

     Well, maybe not every second...

I'm Rocking My Baby, and Babies Don't Keep.

We went to the library this morning, and since school started yesterday and story time hasn't started yet for the fall, we had the entire place pretty much to ourselves. The kids were so happy!

There are 6 computers for the kids, two of which are touch screens. Ellie hasn't quite figured out how to use a mouse, so she is much better at the touch screens, but there has always been someone using them when we have been there. Today must have been her lucky day though - she got to use it for as long as she wanted because  there was nobody else waiting. Once I showed her how to navigate through the game, she played on her own for quite awhile.

The kids were pretty excited about the new sucker fish in the fish tank.

Nathan has no idea how to use the computers, but he still insists on banging on the keyboard. Good thing they're durable.

The kids love to sit and read books on the bean bags. Nathan was pointing to the pink one saying "Ellie chair."

The past few times we have been to the library Ellie has wanted to check out Cinderella, but it has been checked out. Like I said, today must have been her lucky day. She got to check it out, and she was so excited about it!

She woke up before the boys and asked if she could watch Cinderella. Of course I couldn't say no! I took her downstairs and turned it on for her, then went back upstairs to finish cleaning the bathrooms. I was in the mode, and I was going to get lots of cleaning done! But as I was cleaning I thought of her excitement about the movie. So I decided that I should go down with her, and share in her excitement. Besides, who doesn't love a good princess movie? In true princess fashion, I brought down some nail polish, and we painted nails and watched the movie together. (Ignore the mess in the back ground. Sam and I are in the middle of cleaning out our storage room, and we only get to a little bit each night after the kids are asleep.)

She chose purple for both of us, and as I painted her nails she kept saying "I love purple! It's my favorite color!" 

She told me all about the movie and asked questions. I loved watching her eyes light up as she watched the magic of the story. I'm so glad I took the opportunity to quit cleaning and to spend the afternoon with my girl instead.

She won't be small forever.

My Path to Motherhood: Jonah

    *** We went to breakfast while we were in California, just as our little family. 

     The first thing the waiter said when he saw us was, "Wow, you guys haven't wasted any time!" Then, pointing to each kid, "Bam, bam, bam!"

     Because of comments from some people and stares from others, I thought it would be fun to take the time to share the story of how we decided to have each of our kids, starting with our first little blessing, Ellie. In sharing each of these stories, I hope to share my belief that when to have children and how many to have is a personal decision between a husband, wife, and the Lord. I have a very real testimony that the Lord does have a unique plan for each of His children, and often the Lord's plan for us is not what we may have imagined. And, most likely, His plan for you is not the same as His plan for me. And that's ok. ***

YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 4 HERE.

     I wanted to start out this final post by saying that I hope that I haven't portrayed in any way that everyone needs to have children soon after getting married, that they need to have them close together, or that there is any one "right" way to get them here.

     I also wanted to acknowledge that I know that getting pregnant and having children can be a painful or sensitive topic for people who want more than anything to be parents and haven't yet had the opportunity, or have lost a child or children to pregnancy complications. I want you to know that I have not been oblivious to your feelings as I have posted these stories; rather I have been very aware of how sharing these details may affect you. I hope that those of my friends in these situations know that I think about you each often, and that I love you.

     As I mentioned in Nathan's story, he was born via emergency c-section. At my 6-week postpartum visit after Nathan, I asked about future pregnancies and the possibility of a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). My doctor was very positive and reassured me that I was a great candidate for a VBAC with future deliveries. He also said that it would take 18 months for the scar on my uterus to completely heal, so if I wanted to be at the lowest risk for uterine rupture, he would suggest that my next baby be born after that 18-month mark (since I saw the effects of a uterine rupture while I was doing my Mother/Baby clinical rotations, the thought terrified me).

     Because of my doctor's suggestion, I thought we would wait awhile to have another baby. Besides, if I'm being completely honest, recovering from a c-section and getting used to having two kids was giving me a run for my money!

     I took a semester off of school from January-April, and during that time I took the NCLEX - and passed! I had fulfilled my long-time goal of becoming a Registered Nurse. In April I went back to school to get my Bachelors of Science in Nursing.

     In May I had that familiar feeling again - we needed to bring another baby to our family. Sam and I were a little hesitant because of the doctor's advice, but we acted on faith, and were very excited when we found out I was pregnant again in July - baby due at the beginning of April.

     Around the same time we learned I was pregnant, a friend of mine told me that the home health agency she worked for was hiring nurses for pediatric patients. I enjoyed learning about and taking care of peds in the hospital, and the hours were unbeatable (2 8-hour days a week), so I took the job.

     I went to school and worked two days a week, which meant I was away from my kids more than I wanted to be, but I learned a ton between the two.

     After a few months I started to dread going to work each time - not because the job was unpleasant, I actually quite liked it - but because I hated spending more time than necessary away from my kids. The job I was working was not necessary for us financially, it wasn't giving me any significant nursing experience, and my kids just needed their mom home as much as possible. Sam and I talked about these thoughts for a month until finally one day in December as I was dropping Sam off on my way to work, I broke down. (Coming home to find the babysitter asleep on the couch with Ellie glued to PBS and Nathan playing on the floor in a dirty diaper  a few days earlier may or may not have sent me over the edge...) His response was, "You need to give your two weeks. Today." I was surprised. I didn't want to be a quitter. I didn't give my notice that day, but after Sam and I prayerfully discussed it some more, we decided that it was better for me to be home with the kids when I wasn't at school, rather than working. So a few days later I gave my two week's notice, and I haven't regretted that choice even once since.

     My final semester of school started in January of 2014. For the clinical hours in one of my classes, I was blessed to work with the very instructor that gave me pointers on applying to the Nursing program after Ellie was born. She pushed me to work hard, but she was also very understanding of my situation. It turns out that she, too, went through nursing school at BYU-Idaho with kids. I enjoyed working with her and listening to her experiences as a nurse, a mother and a grandmother as my due date got closer.

     On March 30 my little VBAC baby, Jonah, was born. Needless to say, I missed my final clinical rotation the next day. :)

     Jonah is such a calm, content little boy - he only really gets upset when he's tired or hungry. He loves when his siblings interact with him, even if it is a little rougher than I would prefer. I echo the testimony I shared on the Lord's perfect timing of the births my other two kids: He knows what He's doing, and I am so grateful He sent Jonah to our family when He did.

     Our life is crazy with three tiny kids. The house is almost never clean or quiet. It involves almost as much planning to get kids out the door and keep them occupied at the grocery store as it takes to plan meals. I haven't heard more than a 2-minute snippet of a church lesson in over a year. My clean clothes don't stay clean for long, and neither do the kids'. My days consist of wiping bums and noses. We sing the same songs, read the same books, and have the same conversations over and over and over again. I mitigate fights, kiss "owies," and enforce rules. As a lady said to me when she learned the ages of my kids, "Wow, you sure are becoming immersed in motherhood quickly, aren't you?!" I am. And like I said to her, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

My Path to Motherhood: Nathan

*** We went to breakfast while we were in California, just as our little family. 

     The first thing the waiter said when he saw us was, "Wow, you guys haven't wasted any time!" Then, pointing to each kid, "Bam, bam, bam!"

     Because of comments from some people and stares from others, I thought it would be fun to take the time to share the story of how we decided to have each of our kids, starting with our first little blessing, Ellie. In sharing each of these stories, I hope to share my belief that when to have children and how many to have is a personal decision between a husband, wife, and the Lord. I have a very real testimony that the Lord does have a unique plan for each of His children, and often the Lord's plan for us is not what we may have imagined. And, most likely, His plan for you is not the same as His plan for me. And that's ok. ***

YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE, PART 3 HERE, PART 4 HERE.

     When Ellie was about 6 months old, I started getting baby hungry again. I know it seems silly because I already had a baby, but if you've ever had the feeling, you know what I mean - you can't really explain it. One day as I was praying, I asked the Lord to help me stop feeling that way until He wanted us to have another baby. When I got up off of my knees, the feeling was gone - I was no longer baby hungry.

     I enjoyed being a mom to my little girl, and I started my second semester of nursing school in January without a single thought of another baby.

     As I got dressed one day at the beginning of February, the thought came to my mind, "I would like to have another baby." The thought took me by surprise because I had been so content with my life the way it was - and, honestly, my time was consumed with school work, clinicals, classes, and taking care of Ellie. So I decided to kneel down and ask the Lord if this was my answer. Was it time for us to invite another member to our family, or was I crazy? I had an overwhelming feeling that yes, this was my answer.

     I brought up the whole experience to Sam, who wasn't exactly sold on the idea. We were both set to graduate in December, (him with his Bachelors and me with my Associates) so he thought we should at least wait to try until the baby's due date would be after my graduation date. However, I felt strongly that we had received an answer, and we needed to follow the Lord's timing. Besides, it would probably take a while for me to get pregnant anyway.

     Well, at the beginning of March I got a positive result on the pregnancy test. The baby would be due a week before my graduation date. We were very excited and a little nervous, but above all we knew that we were following the Lord's plan for us.

     In July of 2012, Sam was offered a job as a Business Analyst at BYU-Idaho. We decided to accept the offer, which was a great blessing to our family, however there was one little issue: Sam wouldn't graduate until December, while he agreed to begin working full-time starting in September. So for those three months, he would be working 40 hours a week as well as tackling a full class load. (Did I mention what a hardworking man my husband is? He's amazing.) Oh, and we had a baby due in November. We had a bit of a crazy semester ahead of us!

     The semester was busy, but it was full of tender mercies for our family. I was blessed with a very understanding clinical instructor who helped me arrange my schedule to complete all of my hospital rotations before the baby was due and Sam was assigned to groups of students in his classes who catered to his busy schedule for study sessions and working on group projects.

     In November our sweet little Nathaniel was born via emergency c-section.

     Sam and I finished out the last two weeks of the semester - taking tests, giving presentations, and me preparing for the NCLEX. I look back on those two weeks and wonder how we did it, and I know the Lord strengthened us because we were doing His will. We could not have done it alone.

     Again, I testify of the blessing of the Lord's timing in sending Nathan to our family. Logically, it did not make sense to bring another baby into our family when we did - but the Lord knows more than we know. He loves us and wants the best for each of us. Sometimes it takes a little leap of faith to do what He asks, (and sometimes a big leap) but I know that when we follow His will, he will help us accomplish it, though that does not mean it will be easy.

     I am so grateful for this little blonde, blue-eyed boy, and the timing in which the Lord chose to send him to us. And I think Ellie would agree (on most days) that she loves having a little brother as her best friend.

My Path to Motherhood: Ellie

*** We went to breakfast while we were in California, just as our little family. 

     The first thing the waiter said when he saw us was, "Wow, you guys haven't wasted any time!" Then, pointing to each kid, "Bam, bam, bam!"

     Because of comments from some people and stares from others, I thought it would be fun to take the time to share the story of how we decided to have each of our kids, starting with our first little blessing, Ellie. In sharing each of these stories, I hope to share my belief that when to have children and how many to have is a personal decision between a husband, wife, and the Lord. I have a very real testimony that the Lord does have a unique plan for each of His children, and often the Lord's plan for us is not what we may have imagined. And, most likely, His plan for you is not the same as His plan for me. And that's ok. ***

PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE, PART 4 HERE.

     Sam and I were married in April 2010. When we got married we didn't plan to have children right away. We were both in school. I had applied for the Nursing program at BYU-Idaho, and was anxiously awaiting what I anticipated to be an acceptance letter in June so I could begin classes for my major that fall. And did I mention I was only nineteen? We knew we wanted kids, but we wanted to wait until after I graduated from nursing school to begin that part of our lives.

      In June I received a letter from the Department of Nursing: I was not accepted to the program. I was absolutely devastated. I had wanted to be a nurse for as long as I could remember, so I wasn't giving up. I planned classes for that fall, resolved to get perfect grades, and turned in my application for spring semester. That was it - I would start in the spring.

     However, plans changed in July. I don't remember what I was doing exactly, but the thought came to my mind that we should have a baby. I shook it off - we had only been married three months, and I was going to nursing school first. A few days later, I had the feeling again. And again the next day. So I sheepishly brought it up to Sam. I don't remember him being shocked, but he did suggest that we spend a few days praying about it separately, then we would go to the temple seeking answers, and finally we would kneel down together and pray about it. I still remember where I was sitting in the Idaho Falls Temple when I received my definite answer. The next day was a Sunday, and we came together to discuss our thoughts. After a bit of cajoling, I told him about my experience. And, wouldn't you know, his experience was similar. After our discussion Sam offered a prayer, and when it was over we were in agreement - we needed to have a baby.

     At the end of August I took a pregnancy test in the Wal-Mart bathroom, (that's a story for another day) and it was positive. We were ecstatic.

     From the moment we announced my pregnancy a couple of months later, people asked us, "Was it a surprise?" People we knew, people we didn't - they all seemed to feel the need to ask the same question, especially those who knew that we were planning to wait until we were finished with school.

     In January I received another letter from the Department of Nursing - again, I was not accepted. This time I was relieved since our little girl was due in May, and Spring semester started in April, but I was not deterred from my goal. I turned in my application for fall. I was still going to be a nurse.

     Ellie was born in May 2011, less than a month after our first anniversary.

     While we were in the hospital, Ellie and I were cared for by a BYU-Idaho Nursing student and her instructor. I mentioned to them that I was applying for the fall semester, and the instructor gave me some pointers on applying. This was a reminder that the Lord has a plan for me, and that He is mindful of my goals and aspirations. As I followed the Lord's will in choosing to become a mom first, He then provided opportunities for my education.

     In June I received the letter I had been waiting for - I was accepted to the Nursing program! I started in September.

     Sam and I were both in school, and we tried to arrange our schedules so that one of us would be home with Ellie while the other was at school, but it didn't always work out. It was so hard for me to leave my baby with someone else while I went to class. I even missed Ellie's first laugh. Sam took a video for me, and when he showed it to me when I got home, I cried.

     Ellie came with me to study groups, watched me as I practiced my skills on mannequins in the nursing lab, and even acted as "patient" when my classmates and I had to document a pediatric assessment.

     The Lord's plan was different from the one I had made for myself, and boy am I glad. Ellie is our little ray of sunshine.

     "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, saith the Lord."
            - Isaiah 55:8

     I am so grateful for the Lord's timing in providing me the privilege of being "Mommy" to such a sweet, contagiously happy, bubbly little girl.